What Helps When Things Get Hard

I named my practice A Dash of Mindfulness because I have always believed that mindfulness can show up in places we might not expect. It doesn't have to mean sitting quietly with your eyes closed or setting aside an hour of your day to meditate. Sometimes it happens in the middle of something completely ordinary.

For me, it happens in the kitchen.

The kitchen is where I make room for my thoughts and feelings. It is a place where I can slow down, be mindful, take risks, and reflect. Cooking asks me to participate in what I'm doing—to notice the ingredients, the smells, the textures, the process—and in doing so, I often find myself more present than I was when I walked in.

We often stumble upon these quiet, inspired moments without realizing that's what they are. It can happen when we are doing something creative, active, methodical, social, or something else entirely. For some, it might happen walking through nature, listening to music, exercising, folding laundry, holding a paintbrush, or sitting quietly with a cup of coffee.

The activity itself isn't necessarily the important part. What matters is what happens when you are there.

What helps you when things get hard?

We all have difficult moments. Anxiety, sadness, anger, loneliness, uncertainty, shame, disappointment, overwhelm—we can't always make these experiences disappear.

If you're overwhelmed and need to come down before you can think clearly, taking a break might be exactly what you need. If you've been avoiding something painful for weeks, however, another distraction might only keep you stuck.

And sometimes we try very hard to make what has been happening disappear—and this is what makes things harder.

This is where coping comes in. Coping is not simply what we do to get over difficult experiences. Sometimes we need to stay with what we're experiencing, and sometimes we need to make some space for it to breathe. Neither is inherently good or bad. Different moments call for different things.

The trick is learning to notice what you need.

And this is where mindfulness can help. Whether we're turning toward something difficult or taking a break from it, there is value in paying attention to what we're doing, why we're doing it, and what happens next.

Finding your way back

When we're anxious or overwhelmed, our attention can become consumed by what happened, what might happen, or what we're telling ourselves about what is happening right now. Grounding brings some of our attention back to the moment we're actually in.

It can be as simple as noticing what you can see, hear, smell, taste, or feel. It might mean paying attention to your feet on the floor, the temperature of the water on your hands, the music playing in the background, or the task directly in front of you. #juliennethosetomatoes

The goal isn't to pretend that whatever is bothering you isn't happening. It's to become more present while it is happening. Because, whatever is bothering you, isn’t happening right now. In this moment you are piercing the skin of that tomato just right, so that it doesn’t squish.

Our ability to do that changes, too. There are times when we can tolerate quite a bit of discomfort and still think clearly and choose what we want to do next. Other times, especially when we're already exhausted, stressed, lonely, or carrying a lot, our window gets smaller. We may become flooded, shut down, or desperate to make the feeling stop.

Knowing what helps you return to yourself when that happens is useful. It can be what brings you joy, what helps you sort through a feeling that needs exploring, like a trusted companion. And by the end of it you walk away with something different and important. Something you couldn’t have known before.

What about you?

Maybe it is something creative, active, methodical, social, sensory, or completely mundane. It doesn't have to look like self-care, and it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. It might be something you never thought of as coping before.

Take some time to notice what helps you come back to yourself. Maybe your own dash of mindfulness is hiding somewhere you haven't thought to look.